The 4th of July was always a huge deal for me growing up.
I remember how, every year, we'd dress up in our red, white, and blue...there'd be a cookout, usually. Time with the family. Sitting on top of my Grandad's pickup truck to watch the fireworks downtown, and deciding which ones were my favorite.
I haven't had an Independence Day like that in several years now. I don't live at home, and I haven't made my own tradition yet. So I don't really have any excitement or anticipation before this particular holiday.
But this year, the 4th of July holds a special significance for me.
Today, I came home from an 8-day mission trip to Chiapas, Mexico. And today, I realize how different my life has become in such a short amount of time. In the small, poor villages we visited, we loved people. I mean, really loved people. And they loved us back. It was beautiful. And even though I don't speak fluent Spanish, I was Jesus to them. And the same goes for the rest of my team. We may not have seenGod used me in ways that I didn't know were possible, especially considering the place my heart was when we left for the trip.
I was always the proud single girl. I was good at being single. It was what I knew. Being in a relationship was terrifying for me...I suppose at first just because I was afraid of something so unknown, but more than that, I was scared of getting hurt. I had these concrete walls around my heart, protecting me from harm. But as I fell in love, the walls began to crumble, and I was completely and totally vulnerable. And yeah, I got my heart broken.
I got my heart broken two days before leaving for my mission trip.
A broken heart is an interesting thing. The true "heart" is simply a muscle that is used to pump blood throughout the body. It is not the place where the body holds emotions. You don't technically love with your heart. And yet...my chest hurts. Like, my actual heart is in pain.
This is not a happy time for me, and I refuse to pretend otherwise. I will not make my pain seem insignificant, because it is not. But you'd better believe I'm going to pick myself up and get past this.
At first, I thought, "God, how on earth could this be in your will?? The timing is atrocious. What could I possibly do to benefit anyone on this trip, when I am so broken?"
Now, I am convinced of his perfect timing. Oooooh, so convinced.
Over the past week, God has shown me many things. First, he showed me that I have people in this world who seriously love me. I have been incredibly blessed with friends who are here for me. They have been so supportive, and have reminded me of who I really am--my identity in a daughter of the Most High. Through these people, God reminded me that I am beautiful. I am lovable. That me being vulnerable is not stupid, but incredible--because I love with my whole heart, with passion and zeal. That quality is a gift. And while I am scared of the pain that loving someone that much might bring, I know that one day my level of love will be matched.
God also reminded me to trust him. I have had the knowledge that I should trust God for a long time now. But it took me being completely broken to realize that I not only should trust God--I must trust him. It's the only way I will ever be able to have hope for the future.
If I hadn't been broken before this trip, I don't think I would've grasped all of this in the same way. God totally knew what he was doing.
Someone very wise told me, "The future God has planned for you is going to be way better than anything you've ever dreamed. Anything you ever could dream." And I believe that now. I have to. It's the only way I will heal.
I don't know who the partner God has chosen for me is, or even if I will have one. It could be the man I am still in love with. It could be someone I know already. It could be someone I have never even seen before. I have no idea. But I'm okay with that. Because I serve an incredible God. And I trust him. He knows what's best for me--way better than I ever could.
So today, July 4th, 2013, is super significant. Not because of patriotism or fireworks or anything like that. Rather, it's the beginning of a life of trust. Obviously, I will not always trust God at the same level. It is going to ebb and flow, because that is in my nature. But for the first time, I truly believe that my future is going to be spectacular--because my God loves me, and he wants the best for me.
I'm excited to see what it looks like.
And I refuse to live in fear of love.
Thank you, God, for that.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
I Love Equality.
I am a Christian. And I support gay marriage.
This is not a religious issue. It is a human rights one. Yes, the Bible speaks against homosexuality. Yes, God created man and woman to be together. But religion has been separate from our government for a long time--and for good reason! Not everyone in our country practices Christianity. So making something illegal because "God says it's bad" doesn't make any sense.
But let's think about God and Gays for a minute.
There is a reason gay people have been turned off by the Church. They are shown daily that everything that they are is wrong.
Leviticus 20:13 says:
If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.
First of all, this is the old law, which we are no longer slaves to under the New Covenant, so the killing thing--whoa. But. The point can still be made that homosexuality is not pleasing to God.
And since we are so perfect as followers of Christ, and they are so wicked, we obviously must hate them. Right?
Ohhhh. I forgot. Chew on these:
Romans 3:23:
For all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.
Romans 6:23:
For the wages of sin is death...
Romans 2:1:
You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.
What are these "things?"
How about the things mentioned in Colossians 3:5?:
...whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed...
Never done any of that stuff? Hmm. Did you ever disobey your parents? CONDEMNED. Lie? CONDEMNED. Hate? Steal? Cheat? SO CONDEMNED.
When an adulterous woman was brought before Jesus for condemnation, he shocked everyone by saying words that should change all of our lives:
"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone..."
(John 8:7)
The point of all this is to say that Jesus changed everything.
Galatians 5:1:
It is for freedom that Christ set us free.
That verse should end with an exclamation point! For freedom! Those who trust in Christ no longer have to worry about condemnation, for we are free from the death that comes alongside sin!
He showed the world how to love, and because of his sacrifice, God looks on his children not with condemnation, but with pride. No matter what they've done, or what they continue to do.
So if you're opposing gay marriage because of hatred toward homosexuality, please, tell me about the perfect life you've been living.
At this point, someone could say, "Okay, so we're supposed to love them. But that doesn't mean that marriage between two men or two women is right! We need to support the way marriage was intended--the way it was in the Bible!"
I don't really understand what people mean when they say we should support the Biblical idea of marriage. In the old testament especially, wives were considered the property of their husbands, and were expected to behave as such. "Men of God" commonly had multiple wives, as well as concubines. In fact, King Solomon the "wise" had 700 and 300, respectively.
Have whatever opinion you want on gay marriage. But I don't see how to oppose it for "Biblical" reasons unless you practice/support bigamy, treat women like lesser beings, and/or support the stoning of young women who are found without their virginity on their wedding nights.
But all that aside, we cannot expect our culture to conform to one ideology of one religion--because not everyone shares that religion. People in America practice tons of different religions--and many have none at all. Also, to be frank, gay couples will continue to live together and act as married couples no matter if gay marriage is legalized or not.
This is about people wanting to be treated as people. They aren't wanting to impose their "lifestyle" on anyone--they just want to be able to live their lives as others who are monogamously in love do.
And for serious, what is going to change about your heterosexual life if the homosexual couple down the street exchanges vows with one another and signs a piece of paper?
I leave you with this:
"We're a nation of laws, but the good thing about America is that laws reside in the people, and people can change the laws." - Rick Warren
Let's change the law--in favor of love.
This is not a religious issue. It is a human rights one. Yes, the Bible speaks against homosexuality. Yes, God created man and woman to be together. But religion has been separate from our government for a long time--and for good reason! Not everyone in our country practices Christianity. So making something illegal because "God says it's bad" doesn't make any sense.
But let's think about God and Gays for a minute.
There is a reason gay people have been turned off by the Church. They are shown daily that everything that they are is wrong.
Leviticus 20:13 says:
If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.
First of all, this is the old law, which we are no longer slaves to under the New Covenant, so the killing thing--whoa. But. The point can still be made that homosexuality is not pleasing to God.
And since we are so perfect as followers of Christ, and they are so wicked, we obviously must hate them. Right?
Ohhhh. I forgot. Chew on these:
Romans 3:23:
For all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.
Romans 6:23:
For the wages of sin is death...
Romans 2:1:
You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.
What are these "things?"
How about the things mentioned in Colossians 3:5?:
...whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed...
Never done any of that stuff? Hmm. Did you ever disobey your parents? CONDEMNED. Lie? CONDEMNED. Hate? Steal? Cheat? SO CONDEMNED.
When an adulterous woman was brought before Jesus for condemnation, he shocked everyone by saying words that should change all of our lives:
"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone..."
(John 8:7)
The point of all this is to say that Jesus changed everything.
Galatians 5:1:
It is for freedom that Christ set us free.
That verse should end with an exclamation point! For freedom! Those who trust in Christ no longer have to worry about condemnation, for we are free from the death that comes alongside sin!
He showed the world how to love, and because of his sacrifice, God looks on his children not with condemnation, but with pride. No matter what they've done, or what they continue to do.
So if you're opposing gay marriage because of hatred toward homosexuality, please, tell me about the perfect life you've been living.
At this point, someone could say, "Okay, so we're supposed to love them. But that doesn't mean that marriage between two men or two women is right! We need to support the way marriage was intended--the way it was in the Bible!"
I don't really understand what people mean when they say we should support the Biblical idea of marriage. In the old testament especially, wives were considered the property of their husbands, and were expected to behave as such. "Men of God" commonly had multiple wives, as well as concubines. In fact, King Solomon the "wise" had 700 and 300, respectively.
Have whatever opinion you want on gay marriage. But I don't see how to oppose it for "Biblical" reasons unless you practice/support bigamy, treat women like lesser beings, and/or support the stoning of young women who are found without their virginity on their wedding nights.
But all that aside, we cannot expect our culture to conform to one ideology of one religion--because not everyone shares that religion. People in America practice tons of different religions--and many have none at all. Also, to be frank, gay couples will continue to live together and act as married couples no matter if gay marriage is legalized or not.
This is about people wanting to be treated as people. They aren't wanting to impose their "lifestyle" on anyone--they just want to be able to live their lives as others who are monogamously in love do.
And for serious, what is going to change about your heterosexual life if the homosexual couple down the street exchanges vows with one another and signs a piece of paper?
I leave you with this:
"We're a nation of laws, but the good thing about America is that laws reside in the people, and people can change the laws." - Rick Warren
Let's change the law--in favor of love.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Single? Yes. Lonely? No.
So....It's confession time.
I have never been in a serious relationship.
GASP. I know, right?
There are a few reactions that I expect from people when I let them in on this secret.
The first is incredulity - "No way! I'd never have thought that about you!" The second is pity - "Oh gosh. I didn't offend you by talking about my boyfriend, did I?" The third is my favorite--an attempt at affirmation: "Well, don't worry! I'm sure there's someone out there who's just perfect for you!"
No matter the initial reaction, the conversation always takes the same turn at this point. I explain that I really don't mind being single, that it's actually not a painful subject, and that I have chosen this "lifestyle" on purpose. Then, the person (most times) tells me, "Well, good for you!" and the conversation turns to the weather, or Disney movies, or actors with smokin' hot bodies.
The thing is, I can always tell when they don't really mean "Good for you!" Most people are bad liars. So when they say, "Good for you," and are thinking, "That's really weird," I can tell.
When I was 19 years old, my MawMaw called me on Valentine's Day. Here is how our conversation went:
MawMaw: "Happy Valentine's Day, Erin! Do you have a valentine this year??"
Me: "No, MawMaw. No valentine for me."
MawMaw: *pause*"Well, darlin'...have you thought of trying eHarmony?"
I WAS NINETEEN YEARS OLD. Hardly a spinster, but in my wonderful grandmother's eyes, it was time to resort to online dating, before I shriveled up and died alone.
I laugh at this story now, but at the time, I felt like there was seriously something wrong with me. And why wouldn't I? Everyone else my age was either in a relationship, or had at least been in one at some point. I was the only one who had always flown solo...and I had no idea why.
At family gatherings, during holidays and such, the first question everyone asks me is, "Got yourself a boyfriend yet, Erin?" I've replied in the negative so much, it's only a matter of time before people start whispering about the big L word. After all, what reason would an attractive, smart young woman have for not being involved with a man--if not that she was attracted to women?
...I do like men. A whole hell of a lot. Just so we're clear.
Anyway. Not the point. The point is that for the entirety of my life, the notion of singleness being wrong or unnatural has been stuffed inside my ears and plastered into my eyes so much that, for awhile, I was terrified that I would be alone forever.
That's the problem with our society (Well...maybe not the problem. But it's definitely one of them!): Everyone treats singleness like a disease. They always try to cure it.
But the truth is, being single is so much healthier than being in a relationship with the wrong person. I wish I had realized this earlier in life. I wasted a lot of time pining over guys who were never interested in me in the first place--and even if they had been, they would've been wrong for me. Now, I'm thankful that those wishes I made on falling stars never came true.
So many people don't realize that they may be better off alone. They jump from relationship to relationship, being completely torn down by all the wrong people, until they feel unworthy of anything more than devastation. I've seen it happen to so many people that I love--family and friends alike. And now that I'm wise enough to understand the concept of "letting the right one in," I am so incredibly thankful that I have never been down the road of a poor relationship.
Why am I single? To put it simply, I am incredibly picky. I am also unbelievably attuned to my "gut." If something doesn't feel right, I move away from it. Sure, I have a commitment issue--I have an issue with committing to anything less than I deserve.
I am not pathetic.
I am not lonely.
I am not alone.
I have family and friends whose relationships I cherish deeply, but even more than that, I have a God who makes all other relationships seem unimportant. He is the only lover I need at this point. If and when he sees fit to send a man my way, that man will certainly knock my freakin' socks off. But until then, I am content in the knowledge that I am loved and cherished by the Almighty.
I am strong.
I am hopeful.
I am loved.
Please understand, I am not anti-relationship. I am anti-wrong-relationship.
I have a wedding board on Pinterest, for crying out loud.
To those of you who feel incomplete when you're outside of a romantic relationship, I encourage you to look first to the Creator. Because he created you, he alone knows how best to fill the empty space in your heart. The more you try to fill that space with the wrong person, the bigger the hole will become. The Father's love will wrap around you, fill you up, and make you whole.
I know this because I've already found the Ultimate Love.
At this point, a man would just be a bonus.
I have never been in a serious relationship.
GASP. I know, right?
There are a few reactions that I expect from people when I let them in on this secret.
The first is incredulity - "No way! I'd never have thought that about you!" The second is pity - "Oh gosh. I didn't offend you by talking about my boyfriend, did I?" The third is my favorite--an attempt at affirmation: "Well, don't worry! I'm sure there's someone out there who's just perfect for you!"
No matter the initial reaction, the conversation always takes the same turn at this point. I explain that I really don't mind being single, that it's actually not a painful subject, and that I have chosen this "lifestyle" on purpose. Then, the person (most times) tells me, "Well, good for you!" and the conversation turns to the weather, or Disney movies, or actors with smokin' hot bodies.
The thing is, I can always tell when they don't really mean "Good for you!" Most people are bad liars. So when they say, "Good for you," and are thinking, "That's really weird," I can tell.
When I was 19 years old, my MawMaw called me on Valentine's Day. Here is how our conversation went:
MawMaw: "Happy Valentine's Day, Erin! Do you have a valentine this year??"
Me: "No, MawMaw. No valentine for me."
MawMaw: *pause*"Well, darlin'...have you thought of trying eHarmony?"
I WAS NINETEEN YEARS OLD. Hardly a spinster, but in my wonderful grandmother's eyes, it was time to resort to online dating, before I shriveled up and died alone.
I laugh at this story now, but at the time, I felt like there was seriously something wrong with me. And why wouldn't I? Everyone else my age was either in a relationship, or had at least been in one at some point. I was the only one who had always flown solo...and I had no idea why.
At family gatherings, during holidays and such, the first question everyone asks me is, "Got yourself a boyfriend yet, Erin?" I've replied in the negative so much, it's only a matter of time before people start whispering about the big L word. After all, what reason would an attractive, smart young woman have for not being involved with a man--if not that she was attracted to women?
...I do like men. A whole hell of a lot. Just so we're clear.
Anyway. Not the point. The point is that for the entirety of my life, the notion of singleness being wrong or unnatural has been stuffed inside my ears and plastered into my eyes so much that, for awhile, I was terrified that I would be alone forever.
That's the problem with our society (Well...maybe not the problem. But it's definitely one of them!): Everyone treats singleness like a disease. They always try to cure it.
But the truth is, being single is so much healthier than being in a relationship with the wrong person. I wish I had realized this earlier in life. I wasted a lot of time pining over guys who were never interested in me in the first place--and even if they had been, they would've been wrong for me. Now, I'm thankful that those wishes I made on falling stars never came true.
So many people don't realize that they may be better off alone. They jump from relationship to relationship, being completely torn down by all the wrong people, until they feel unworthy of anything more than devastation. I've seen it happen to so many people that I love--family and friends alike. And now that I'm wise enough to understand the concept of "letting the right one in," I am so incredibly thankful that I have never been down the road of a poor relationship.
Why am I single? To put it simply, I am incredibly picky. I am also unbelievably attuned to my "gut." If something doesn't feel right, I move away from it. Sure, I have a commitment issue--I have an issue with committing to anything less than I deserve.
I am not pathetic.
I am not lonely.
I am not alone.
I have family and friends whose relationships I cherish deeply, but even more than that, I have a God who makes all other relationships seem unimportant. He is the only lover I need at this point. If and when he sees fit to send a man my way, that man will certainly knock my freakin' socks off. But until then, I am content in the knowledge that I am loved and cherished by the Almighty.
I am strong.
I am hopeful.
I am loved.
Please understand, I am not anti-relationship. I am anti-wrong-relationship.
I have a wedding board on Pinterest, for crying out loud.
To those of you who feel incomplete when you're outside of a romantic relationship, I encourage you to look first to the Creator. Because he created you, he alone knows how best to fill the empty space in your heart. The more you try to fill that space with the wrong person, the bigger the hole will become. The Father's love will wrap around you, fill you up, and make you whole.
I know this because I've already found the Ultimate Love.
At this point, a man would just be a bonus.
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