Single? Yes. Lonely? No.

So....It's confession time.

I have never been in a serious relationship.

GASP. I know, right?

There are a few reactions that I expect from people when I let them in on this secret. 

The first is incredulity - "No way! I'd never have thought that about you!" The second is pity - "Oh gosh. I didn't offend you by talking about my boyfriend, did I?" The third is my favorite--an attempt at affirmation: "Well, don't worry! I'm sure there's someone out there who's just perfect for you!"

No matter the initial reaction, the conversation always takes the same turn at this point. I explain that I really don't mind being single, that it's actually not a painful subject, and that I have chosen this "lifestyle" on purpose. Then, the person (most times) tells me, "Well, good for you!" and the conversation turns to the weather, or Disney movies, or actors with smokin' hot bodies.

The thing is, I can always tell when they don't really mean "Good for you!" Most people are bad liars. So when they say, "Good for you," and are thinking, "That's really weird," I can tell. 

When I was 19 years old, my MawMaw called me on Valentine's Day. Here is how our conversation went:

MawMaw: "Happy Valentine's Day, Erin! Do you have a valentine this year??"
Me: "No, MawMaw. No valentine for me."
MawMaw: *pause*"Well, darlin'...have you thought of trying eHarmony?"

I WAS NINETEEN YEARS OLD. Hardly a spinster, but in my wonderful grandmother's eyes, it was time to resort to online dating, before I shriveled up and died alone.

I laugh at this story now, but at the time, I felt like there was seriously something wrong with me. And why wouldn't I? Everyone else my age was either in a relationship, or had at least been in one at some point. I was the only one who had always flown solo...and I had no idea why.

At family gatherings, during holidays and such, the first question everyone asks me is, "Got yourself a boyfriend yet, Erin?" I've replied in the negative so much, it's only a matter of time before people start whispering about the big L word. After all, what reason would an attractive, smart young woman have for not being involved with a man--if not that she was attracted to women?

...I do like men. A whole hell of a lot. Just so we're clear.

Anyway. Not the point. The point is that for the entirety of my life, the notion of singleness being wrong or unnatural has been stuffed inside my ears and plastered into my eyes so much that, for awhile, I was terrified that I would be alone forever. 

That's the problem with our society (Well...maybe not the problem. But it's definitely one of them!): Everyone treats singleness like a disease. They always try to cure it. 

But the truth is, being single is so much healthier than being in a relationship with the wrong person. I wish I had realized this earlier in life. I wasted a lot of time pining over guys who were never interested in me in the first place--and even if they had been, they would've been wrong for me. Now, I'm thankful that those wishes I made on falling stars never came true.


So many people don't realize that they may be better off alone. They jump from relationship to relationship, being completely torn down by all the wrong people, until they feel unworthy of anything more than devastation. I've seen it happen to so many people that I love--family and friends alike. And now that I'm wise enough to understand the concept of "letting the right one in," I am so incredibly thankful that I have never been down the road of a poor relationship.

Why am I single? To put it simply, I am incredibly picky. I am also unbelievably attuned to my "gut." If something doesn't feel right, I move away from it. Sure, I have a commitment issue--I have an issue with committing to anything less than I deserve. 

I am not pathetic.

I am not lonely.

I am not alone.

I have family and friends whose relationships I cherish deeply, but even more than that, I have a God who makes all other relationships seem unimportant. He is the only lover I need at this point. If and when he sees fit to send a man my way, that man will certainly knock my freakin' socks off. But until then, I am content in the knowledge that I am loved and cherished by the Almighty.

I am strong.

I am hopeful.

I am loved.

Please understand, I am not anti-relationship. I am anti-wrong-relationship. 

I have a wedding board on Pinterest, for crying out loud. 

To those of you who feel incomplete when you're outside of a romantic relationship, I encourage you to look first to the Creator. Because he created you, he alone knows how best to fill the empty space in your heart. The more you try to fill that space with the wrong person, the bigger the hole will become. The Father's love will wrap around you, fill you up, and make you whole. 

I know this because I've already found the Ultimate Love.

At this point, a man would just be a bonus.