For Starters

 So apparently, blogging is the new "thing to do." And while I normally brag about my hatred of conformity, I actually think this thing might be good for me. I have a lot of thoughts in my head, ones that really want out of there (I mean, if you were stuck in my head, you'd want out, too), so what better way to do it than post it on the newest internet phenomenon? I could care less if nobody even bothers to read this page...There are things I need to say.

First, I don't plan on trying to make anybody happy on here. I do enough of that in my everyday life. There are so many situations in which I find myself pulled in two or three or eighteen different directions. I have to act a certain way around this group of friends, and then a different way among these friends, etc. I plan on being me. Just Erin. Take it or leave it. No one has a gun up to your head, forcing you to read this (wouldn't that be weird?). 

So here's what's on my mind today:

Beauty. This is always the time of year when I look around and see how beautiful God's creation is. We don't have much of a seasonal change here in Texas, but when the weather ceases to be sweltering, my eyes are able to focus on the beauty around me. There is green in Nacogdoches, and the leaves are starting to change (slightly). When they start to fall to the ground, everything just has a different feeling. It's Autumn--Fall--whatever, and you can both see and feel it. There's no longer the suffocation of summer, and we're not quite into the feeling of desolation that comes with winter. No, this is the perfect season according to all five senses.

There is another kind of beauty, one that I try so hard to capture every single day. I look in the mirror every morning and I see every flaw--every blemish, every stray hair, every extra ounce of weight. I put on makeup, try to smooth my wild hair, and suck in my stomach. And yet, even after all the work, I am dissatisfied.

I envy nature. Leaves and plants have no will of their own. They are simply the way God made them and they are beautiful. Yet I can't let myself be satisfied with the way God made me. How wrong is that? I ought to be content that He thinks I'm beautiful, but I constantly play the "compare game." I compare myself to the world's idea of beauty--size two, blonde, 36D--and I just can't quite measure up.

God's idea of a woman's beauty is completely different. 1 Peter 3:3-4 says:

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

Now I know what you're thinking. Number one: "Right. Everyone says inner beauty is more important than outer beauty, but they don't really mean it." Some people probably don't mean it. But I guarantee that the people who put more stock in their outward appearance than their inner spirit end up living sad and lonely lives. Proverbs 31:30 says:

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

How many eighty year old runway models have you seen? Probably none. That's because outward beauty fades with time. We wrinkle, we sag, and there's no amount of plastic surgery that can make you beautiful forever. Inner beauty lasts a lifetime, making it more worthwhile, don't you think?

The second thing you probably noticed about that verse is the whole "gentle and quiet" thing. I'll admit, the first time I studied 1 Peter, I was super offended by this statement. "Wait. So women are supposed to sit down, shut up, and be spineless little slaves, is that it??" But that's not what this means at all! "Gentle" is translated from the Greek word praus which means "humble." This word was used to describe Jesus, too, and He was most definitely not female. And actually, you could probably more accurately translate praus as "power under control." (I didn't just know this off the top of my head, by the way. I've done my research. Haha) Does that sound weak? Absolutely not! It takes a lot of strength to keep power in check. It's easy to just let it go unbridled.

The word for "quiet" is hesychios, which doesn't just concern the act of keeping one's mouth closed. It can also be used to describe a demeanor of peacefulness. So a woman needs to not cause drama. Please, please, let some of the girls I know read this. Gossip is not beautiful! God says so!

I don't know about you, but I want this "unfading beauty" that Peter talks about. Instead of wanting Milo Ventimiglia or Orlando Bloom to think I'm beautiful, I would much rather be beautiful in God's eyes, because HELLO--he's GOD.

So mirror, you can stop trying to tell me lies. My creator sees my beauty as I see the beauty of the sky before a thunderstorm...and in case you didn't know, the sky is gorgeous before a storm.

What does that make me?